How Eating Disorders Impact Your Relationship
*Guest Blog Post*
Ashlee Hunt is an eating disorder therapist at Maple Canyon Therapy and is passionate about working with women who experience eating disorders, negative body image, and disordered eating. Check out her thoughts on how eating disorders can impact your relationship.
Let’s chat about eating disorders
Eating disorders are complicated mental health issues. For those that struggle with eating disorders, it feels pretty messy. In fact, a lot of times people don’t even realize what they are doing with food and their bodies is actually disordered. Eating disorders often be disguised so that friends and family members are clueless that their loved one is struggling with one. Eating disorders have a far-reaching impact on the person suffering from one and the people that love them.
There is also disordered eating, which comprises many of the same eating disorder behaviors but technically has reached the criteria for an eating disorder yet. You can imagine that as mental health professionals, these behaviors are just as concerning. I treat these with no less seriousness than I would someone that meets the criteria for a diagnosable eating disorder. Treatment is just as serious. There are far too many eating disorders and disordered eating behaviors to make a comprehensive list of them but any time someone is doing something that might feel kind of weird with food and eating is disordered. The tricky part is that disordered eating is so widely accepted that it might not seem weird anymore. It’s important to know that around 90 percent of women have struggled with disordered eating. Here are a few examples of disordered eating.
Signs you have disordered eating:
-Going on diets, cleanses, or detoxes
-Only eating during certain time frames
-Skipping meals
-Eating clean or low-calorie foods
-Eliminating certain foods because of fear of weight gain
-Restricting or binging on food
-Preoccupation with food
-Focus on weight loss
-Using caffeine for energy rather than eating
-Avoiding social settings that might involve food
Engaging in these behaviors not only impacts the person’s own mental health but it impacts the health of their relationships, especially in a committed and intimate relationship. Talking about this is not meant to make anyone feel shame or be blamed. In fact, shaming and blaming make everything worse, and don’t lead to long-term change. My goal in sharing this with you is to help you look inward and decide if there is truth in it for your specific relationship, and if there is anything you want to do with it.
Ways Eating Disorders Can Impact Your Relationship:
1. Eating disorders are isolative.
A big reason why eating disorders thrive is that they are kept secret. You can continue engaging in eating disorder behaviors as long as nobody realizes and sees the full extent of it. I don’t think this is necessarily intentional but it happens often. What you may not realize is that your eating disorder keeps you from being open and connecting with other people. This is especially significant when it comes to your relationship with your spouse or partner. You might find the relationship is not as strong or healthy as it used to be as a result of emotional isolation.
2. Eating disorders impact sexual intimacy.
Having an eating disorder often comes with having a negative body image. When you are feeling negative about your body, you are more prone to hide it from other people. People with eating disorders have reported not wanting to engage in sex with their partners because of how they feel about their bodies. Having a healthy sexual relationship can be an important part of the relationship. Another negative consequence when it comes to sex is that people with eating disorders may have a decreased sex drive due to inadequate nutrition.
3. Eating disorders impact emotional regulation.
It’s no secret that proper nutrition impacts our brain function. Our brains require food for energy and to be able to function properly. One of the consequences of eating disorders is a lack of ability to regulate your emotions. If you have an eating disorder, you can feel numb, apathetic, irritable, depressed, and anxious. Emotions become more difficult to manage and may end up being too big or too small of a reaction to a situation. The exchange of emotions makes up our relationships. When they are not well regulated it can impact the connection you have with your partner. When you have these emotional reactions that come out of the blue, it may be hard for your partner to understand especially if you are not willing to be open.
4. Eating disorders can be all-consuming.
Eating disorders take a lot of your energy. My clients share that so much of their time is focused on food, their body, calories, etc. You don’t have the time or emotional capacity to be your best self in a relationship. One of the distortions people experience with their eating disorder is they believe they are better versions of themselves when they are in their eating disorder. There is no way around saying this but it’s not true. You may feel like you are a better version of yourself because eating disorders have a funny way of making you feel like you are achieving something or bettering yourself. However, the people in your life can give you more adequate feedback about who you are in your eating disorder versus when you weren’t engaging in those behaviors.
What can you do about it?
Eating disorders are complicated mental health issues. There are several factors that contribute to developing an eating disorder or disordered eating. Healing from an eating disorder requires utilizing different resources to get better.
Individual Therapy
Part of recovering from an eating disorder and improving your relationship is attending individual therapy to work on the issues that contribute to your eating disorder. Therapy can help you gain insight about yourself, work through trauma, and learn to cope outside of using your eating disorder.
Couples Counseling
This is just as critical as individual therapy when it comes to eating disorder recovery. Eating disorders do impact your relationship but healing from an eating disorder also happens within a relationship. Going to couples counseling can help you utilize your partner and help them know how to support you in eating disorder recovery.
Get Medical Help
Full disclosure: doctors miss eating disorder symptoms all the time in people with eating disorders. Weight seems to be the only indicator that they use in identifying an eating disorder. People can be extremely sick with an eating disorder within a “normal weight range” or even while “overweight”. I am happy to provide you with medical recommendations of who to see if you send me an e-mail.
Consider Medication
People have a lot of strong opinions on medication and often don’t want to take it. I hear people state they feel medication is just a bandaid for the real problem. While it’s true some people only take medication and don’t utilize therapy, it doesn’t mean it’s a bandaid. Medications can be a huge help for people while they are recovering and can be a positive for their relationships. One thing to note is that medication isn’t going to be as effective without proper nutrition. That’s something that we can’t get around.
Looking to start eating disorder therapy and located in Utah?
At Maple Canyon Therapy, Ashlee Hunt provide eating disorder therapy for women who experience eating disorders, disordered eating and struggle with body image. I provide anxiety counseling to women who struggle with anxiety and perfectionism.
About the Author
Ashlee Hunt LCSW is a licensed therapist at Maple Canyon Therapy located in Spanish Fork, Utah. Ashlee holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology, a bachelor’s degree in Family Life and Human Development, and a master’s in social work. Ashlee has extensive training and experience in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, and trauma, and works primarily with women
Ready to start marriage counseling and located near Provo Utah?
If you are looking to begin marriage counseling that an eating disorder has impacted. This Utah County Counseling Center has a marriage therapist in Utah who can help you get your relationship back on track. To begin therapy, follow the steps below:
Begin by scheduling a free 15-minute phone consultation
Complete online forms and schedule the first session with a marriage therapist
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Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy
Marriage counseling isn’t the only mental health service provided at this Provo Utah Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy include LDS marriage counseling, premarital counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for men, PTSD treatment, and anxiety therapy in Utah.