6 Ways Trauma Impacts A Relationship: Thoughts From a Marriage Therapist
Our experiences shape us. They influence our views of the world and our beliefs about people. They also impact our relationships in some form, and they especially impact our relationships with our significant others. The relationships we have with our partners are our most important ones, and they are also our most vulnerable ones. When any partner has experienced trauma throughout their life, it will show up at some point in a relationship. It’s also true that a couple can experience trauma together in their relationship. Couples can struggle when one or both partners experience something traumatic.
1. Trauma can lead to mistrust in the relationship
When a person in a relationship has experienced trauma, it can lead them to mistrust other people. There are many different traumas that can lead to mistrust whether it’s sexual assault, bullying, or divorce. They may have been hurt by someone so they no longer believe that anyone else is trustworthy. They may not rely on their partner or anyone else for emotional connection or anything else. They might prefer just to handle everything alone.
2. A disruption in sexual intimacy
In a previous blog post, I wrote about depression and relationships, and one of the impacts depression has on a relationship is sexual intimacy. Trauma leads to depression, and depression can lead to a decreased sex drive. Another way sexual intimacy may impact a relationship is when your partner has experienced sexual abuse or sexual assault. These experiences may make it, so that this person doesn’t want to engage in a sexual relationship or experiences negative emotions during sex.
3. Emotions may be heightened as a result of trauma
Trauma impacts our emotions and the part of the brain that processes the emotions of fear and anger. Your partner may have increased moodiness, irritability, anger, and sadness. It may seem that their emotions are up and down or their anger may not match the situation. They may also have anxiety and be fearful of new situations. They may also experience a lack of compassion and come off as callous. You may not feel you have your emotional needs met in your relationship. You may also not know how to respond to their emotions because it’s difficult to understand where they are coming from.
4. Fear of the trauma happening again
Once you’ve experienced trauma, there’s often accompanying fear that it may happen again. Women who have experienced traumatic births or miscarriages have a fear that this will happen again and again. It’s hard for people that have experienced trauma to have the reassurance that it won’t happen again because there is no way of knowing. They may not respond to your comfort and assurance because they are convinced the trauma will keep happening. It can be difficult for your partner to respond to you and allow you to comfort them.
5. Your partner may be afraid you will hurt them
People who have been in unhealthy and abusive relationships are prone to be fearful that other partners may also be this way. They may also have been abused as children and think you will do the same thing. Your partner may know logically you won’t hurt them but they may be on edge during an argument or disagreement. They may be fearful that you will eventually be pushed to the edge and lash out at them. It may be hard for them to feel safe around you and can have a difficult time letting their guard down.
6. They may not feel good enough for you
Many different traumatic events impact our self-esteem regardless of what they are. From abusive relationships to car accidents, people who experience trauma don’t feel confident in their abilities to be in a relationship or to keep themselves safe. A result of this can be that they don’t feel good enough to be in a relationship with you. This obviously can cause a strain on the relationship and be difficult to be close.
How can working with a marriage therapist help?
It may be discouraging to realize how trauma has impacted your relationship, and you may feel completely lost and discouraged on how to improve it. Your relationship matters to you; it can be hard to know how to move on and improve. The good news is that marriage counseling can help. It can help you learn to connect with each other, communicate, and find solutions to the problems that you are experiencing. When you have experienced trauma together as a couple, couple’s therapy can help you process that experience in a healthy way where you can grow closer together rather than further apart. When you have a healthy and connected relationship with your partner, nobody like your partner can support you through your trauma. Working with a couples therapist also can help both partners understand how trauma is impacting your specific relationship. It can provide understanding for what may even be years of unhealthy and unhelpful patterns. The goal of couple’s therapy is to give new insight into how to change these patterns to make healthier ones.
Online marriage counseling in Utah
It can be hard to find time to attend marriage counseling with your busy schedule. I also believe marriage counseling is worth it, and you will be so glad you did it. I offer online therapy in Utah as a way for you to get therapy in a convenient and effective way.
Online therapy also means if you are located in Logan, St. George, Cedar City, or Heber City, we can work together to help you get the results in the marriage you are looking for.
How can working with a trauma therapist help?
Any therapy we do, whether as an individual or as a couple, will impact the relationship positively. When we are healing ourselves from traumatic experiences and learning to cope more effectively, it improves the relationship. If you are not in a place to attend marriage counseling or that seems like too big of a step, start with individual therapy and focus on healing your trauma. EMDR therapy is a proven therapy model that can help you work through trauma efficiently and effectively.
Ready to start working with a marriage therapist near Provo, Utah?
Trauma doesn’t have to rob your relationship. You don’t have to let the fear get between you and your spouse. This Utah County Counseling Clinic has a marriage therapist specializing in trauma therapy and marriage counseling. To begin therapy, follow these steps:
Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation
Meet with a marriage therapist
Begin healing your marriage from trauma
Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy
Marriage counseling isn’t the only mental health service provided at this Provo Area Counseling Center. Other services offered by Marcus Hunt therapy include EMDR and trauma therapy, PTSD treatment, anxiety therapy, LDS marriage counseling, premarital counseling, and therapy for men.
About the Author
Marcus Hunt is an associate marriage and family therapist at Marcus Hunt Therapy near Provo, Utah. Marcus is both a trauma therapist and marriage therapist and understands the impact of trauma on intimate relationships. Marcus is trained in EMDR therapy through EMDRIA and believes that people can heal from trauma and not let it impact their daily functioning. Marcus received his bachelor’s degree from Utah Valley University in behavioral sciences and his master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Abilene Christian University. Marcus loves working with couples who have been impacted by trauma and grief because he can help them connect to each other after trauma has robbed them of so much.