4 Things To Know Before Starting Marriage Counseling

If you are thinking about attending marriage counseling, it means you care about your relationship and want it to improve. Marriage counseling is a great tool in helping couples be able to talk to each other more openly and feel more understood. You don’t need to wait until your relationship is in crisis or on the brink of ending before attending therapy. Reaching out for help before a crisis is actually a better option for everyone in improving the relationship. 

What you should know about Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling isn’t about a couples therapist giving you advice or telling you what to do in your marriage. Some couples come into therapy thinking their couples therapist is going to fix their relationship and this isn’t the case. As a couples therapist, I am here to provide insight and outside perspective but it’s the couple that’s going to be doing the majority of the work outside of the sessions. It’s important to realize it does take effort and consistency to get the results you’re after. While I wish I had a magic pill and could make it easier for the couples I work with, it doesn’t exist. I want to instill in my clients that they have the abilities and resources to find solutions to the problems they are seeking. In your relationship, you both can find ways to create and negotiate what you want the relationship to be. It’s my goal to help you do this. 

There are things you are doing well in your relationship

As a couple, there are things you are doing well in your relationship. I can understand how it feels like everything is a mess and nothing is going right. However, while I will be giving you things to focus on and improve, we will also be looking at the strengths that you already have and the tools you already use. It’s not my intention to put your marriage on the chopping block and point out all your areas of weakness. I want to focus on the things that are important to you. The misconception of couple’s therapy is the focus will only be on how you suck or what you’re doing wrong. Discovering and remembering the things you have done in the past that have worked that you may have stopped doing over time. Marriage counseling can help you get back to doing those things that have been helpful to you in the past as well as implementing other things into practice. 

Here are 4 things to know before beginning marriage counseling:

1. Don’t expect the couples therapist to take a side

Another misconception or hope is that you will go into couple’s therapy and the therapist will side with one partner or the other. In reality, the therapist takes a neutral stance and focuses primarily on the relationship. Couple’s therapy isn’t where you bash each other or vent what you hate about your partner and make them listen to it. This would result in leaving feeling depressed, unheard, and not wanting to come back to therapy. Yes, sometimes situations happen in therapy and you start to go after each other. However, the therapist's job is to help you change the ways you are communicating and interacting with each other. There are times when we do focus on each partner individually but checking in with both during this process is important. 

2. Be committed to attending marriage counseling on a weekly basis

Your strength lies in your consistency. I recognize you have a million things going on outside of therapy with work, children, and other obligations. Attending therapy every week helps you continue to focus on the relationship and the goal of improving it. Attending therapy every week will help you see the most improvement and will build your hope in the relationship becoming what you want it to be.  I know it might be easier to only come once or twice a month but I find couples don’t get the momentum they are looking for in the relationship by attending at this frequency. Sporadic therapy isn’t going to lead to improvements after years of not communicating the way you want to in the relationship. Plan on attending every week to get the results you want. 

3. Be open to talking about uncomfortable topics 

Therapy is certainly not easy. Couples therapy is about talking about your sore spots. When you’ve been hurt by your partner, you get these sore spots, and talking about those isn’t easy when you rub up against those We are going to talk about uncomfortable topics, and am going to help you challenge your beliefs about the relationship in a helpful way. I am also going to respect and honor you and provide a safe place to talk about the hard things when YOU are ready to talk about them. It’s important to recognize that the relationship can’t fully heal or improve without acknowledging some of the past hurts you’ve experienced together. 

4. Don’t expect your relationship to improve after only a few sessions. 

The reason you are coming into couple’s therapy is that your relationship started off on the wrong foot, to begin with, or it’s been years of practicing unhealthy ways of communicating and interacting with each other. It will take time to change those and get out of those habits. It takes time to establish new habits and interactions. It takes time to be aware of what’s happening in the relationship and to find solutions. This doesn’t mean you will be in therapy for the rest of your lives. It’s my goal as a couple’s therapist to help you be able to interact with each other in healthy and positive ways without attending couples therapy. I want you to be able to succeed, cope, and manage your relationship with each other without needing me forever. 

Every couple could benefit from marriage counseling 

Marriage counseling is something I would recommend to any and all couples who want to have a better relationship and are willing to work for it. It’s never too late to begin working on your relationship if you both have the goal of improving. Each of us plays a role in how our relationships are and in those moments we may be doing the best we can because we don’t know any better. It’s important to recognize that sometimes your relationship is in the state that it is because you didn’t know what else to do. Marriage counseling can help you develop new communication skills in working with each other as partners. 

Ready to start marriage counseling near Provo Utah?

You don’t have to feel alone in your marriage. Marriage counseling can help you feel connected and understood. This Provo Area Counseling Clinic has a couples therapist who specializes in marriage counseling. To begin marriage counseling follow the steps below:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

2. Meet with a caring therapist

3. Begin marriage counseling

Online Marriage Counseling in Utah

I know it’s not convenient to be able to take time from your busy schedule to meet with a therapist. I also know how important therapy is and being able to offer it as conveniently as possible is necessary. I provide all mental health services through online therapy in Utah.

Other Mental Health Services offered at Marcus Hunt Therapy

Marriage counseling isn’t the only service offered at this Utah County Counseling Center. Other mental health services offered at Marcus Hunt Therapy are anxiety therapy, PTSD treatment, emdr and trauma therapy, premarital counseling, LDS marriage counseling, and therapy for men.

About the Author

Marcus Hunt is a marriage and family therapist at Marcus Hunt Therapy. Marcus received a bachelor’s in behavioral science from Utah Valley University and received his master’s in marriage and family therapy from Abilene Christian University. Marcus’s passion for helping couples improve their marriages began from observing the relationships of his parents and siblings as the youngest child. He realized the importance of focusing on this relationship to make it the healthiest it could be.