Scared of Commitment? Thoughts from a Men’s Therapist
Commitment anxiety is something that Hollywood believes makes a good plot for the big screen. You watch women sit around at brunch complaining about how their boyfriend fears commitment and won’t take the relationship a step further. Of course, this entertains us, and there’s nothing wrong with it, but it certainly isn’t painting the complete picture of relationship anxiety. Commitment anxiety is something all genders struggle with but when it comes to men it gets an even worse wrap.
If being in a relationship feels stifling for you, it can be hard to understand, and it can be frustrating. As a man, it might seem like you just want to live it up instead of being weighed down by a relationship. There’s much more to the story than this.
What is commitment anxiety?
Commitment anxiety can be the fear of being in a long-term relationship but it might also be the fear of committing to anything that seems serious. It can be a job, a goal, a place, or a relationship. For people with commitment anxiety, thinking about the future brings up a lot of fear. Commitment anxiety is more than just not wanting to settle down or to be young, wild, and free. Being in a relationship is scary, and there’s often a good reason for it. You might not know the underlying causes but working with a men’s therapist can help you. Men can be hesitant to go to therapy but it can make a big difference in understanding your fear of commitment.
Why am I scared of commitment?
Your reason for fearing commitment is unique. There is not one answer for why everyone fears commitment. You can be curious with yourself about what comes up when you think of committing to something or someone. What do you fear will happen if you were to get serious in a relationship or with a job? Likely there’s fear of what life will be like. Maybe you are worried the relationship won’t last, you won’t be happy, you’ll be trapped, or the opposite that you'll be abandoned. This is an important area that therapy for men can help you address and work through.
What causes fear of commitment?
There are no simple answers to this but I can give you some things to think about. People with ADHD have a more difficult time with commitment than others. ADHD can impact a person’s ability to focus and follow through with commitments including relationships. Having ADHD can also impact your self-esteem and your ability to believe you’ll be a good partner or employee. You may struggle to want to commit to something when you don’t think you’ll be good at it.
Men who have experienced trauma and have PTSD might also be more likely to have commitment anxiety. Trauma can be caused by many different things but childhood neglect and having parents who have divorced might also trigger commitment anxiety.
What are the signs of fear of commitment?
Everyone has their own signs of commitment anxiety but these are some common signs you are afraid of commitment. This is not an exhaustive list but it may give you an idea.
-Disinterest in long-term relationships
-Difficulty in making decisions
-Anxiety about the future
-Struggling to open up to others
-Sabotage relationships
-Keep things casual when dating
-Easily notice flaws in other people
-Come up with reasons why not to pursue relationships
-Difficult time following through with others
-Relationships don’t last long
How fear of commitment impacts relationships?
Fear of commitment makes it difficult to have meaningful relationships. When you have commitment anxiety, you might not pursue people that want a serious or long-term relationship. If you do decide to pursue a relationship, there comes a point where you become uncomfortable and can’t be open or vulnerable. You might be knit-picky or only see flaws in other people. You tell yourself they are going to end the relationship or abandon you anyway so you might find ways to end it first. It can be difficult to even have a relationship with someone who is afraid of relationships.
How to stop being afraid of commitment?
The most important thing to do to overcome the fear of commitment is, to be honest with yourself. It won’t benefit you to pretend this is not an issue for you. It’s ok to have anxiety. It doesn’t mean you are weak or that something is wrong with you. There are probably really good reasons why you struggle with committing to a relationship or anything that seems serious. It might be hard to see a connection with your past but there might be something there to think about. Talk to someone about your fears, go to therapy, try committing to something, and practice sitting in discomfort. It’s possible to become much more comfortable with commitment.
Therapy for men can help
Therapy is for everyone. Therapy is even for men. Therapy is even for people who struggle to commit. A significant part of therapy is being able to help you understand yourself better and the fears you might have about relationships. A big part of what I focus on in working with men is helping them understand how their past might be impacting their present. It can be easy to dismiss the past because it might not bother you now. It’s possible that it impacts you more than you would like it to. There are many areas to focus on in therapy for men. Working with a men’s therapist can help you recognize your anxiety and be able to work through it. Therapy for men could change your life.
Ready to work with a men’s therapist in Utah?
You don’t have to live in anxiety. As a man, you can have a meaningful relationship and live a life with purpose. Therapy for men can help you work past the things that are holding you back. This Utah Counseling Clinic has a men’s therapist who specializes in therapy for men. To begin counseling follow the steps below:
Meet with a therapist for men
Start therapy
Online Therapy in Utah
It’s not easy to take the time to travel to a therapy appointment or try and find a time to put it in your busy schedule. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. You don’t have to leave home or you can take a therapy appointment on your lunch break at work. Online counseling is accessible and just as effective as in-person therapy.
Online therapy means I can work with you wherever you are located in the state of Utah. I work with men located in Logan, Heber City, Salt Lake City, St. George, Cedar City, Provo, and more.
Other mental health services at Marcus Hunt Therapy
Therapy for men isn’t the only counseling service provided by this Utah Counseling Practice. Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy include depression therapy, anxiety therapy, premarital counseling, LDS marriage counseling, marriage counseling, EMDR therapy, ADHD treatment, and PTSD treatment. Schedule a free phone consultation to see how I can help
About the Author
Marcus Hunt is a marriage and family therapist at Marcus Hunt Therapy in Utah. He has a bachelor's degree in behavioral science from Utah Valley University. Marcus also has a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. Marcus enjoys working with men and helping them become the best versions of themselves by helping them work through past trauma and anxiety. He believes that men’s mental health matters, and believes it gets stigmatized even more so they don’t reach out for help. Marcus likes working with men who are willing to roll up their sleeves and start working on themselves. When Marcus isn’t in therapy, he enjoys exploring Southern Utah and enjoying the red sand in Snow Canyon State Park.