What Leads to a Good Marriage?

A successful marriage requires understanding, effort, and a willingness to invest in the relationship. Marriage counseling focuses on learning to create a good marriage. No matter what marriage has its ups and downs but how do you make sure your marriage stays healthy? As a couples therapist, I help couples who already feel they have a healthy relationship make it even better and focus on the things that will help them feel more fulfilled. 

Drawing inspiration from the extensive research of renowned psychologist and relationship expert, John Gottman, let’s delve into the core elements that contribute to a strong and healthy marital bond. 

1. The ratio of positive to negative interactions

Gottman suggests that for a marriage to thrive, the ratio of positive to negative interactions should be at least 5:1. This means that couples should have significantly more positive interactions, such as expressions of appreciation, affection, humor, and support, compared to negative interactions like criticism, defensiveness, or contempt.

2. Emotional connection & friendship

Building a deep emotional connection and maintaining a strong friendship forms the foundation of a good marriage. Couples who are friends enjoy spending time together, have shared interests, and genuinely enjoy each other's company. They also invest in building emotional intimacy, trust, and understanding.

3. Effective communication & conflict resolution

Successful couples communicate openly, honestly, and respectfully with each other. They actively listen, validate each other's feelings, and express themselves clearly. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how couples handle it is crucial. Gottman emphasizes the importance of addressing conflicts constructively, with empathy and compromise and avoiding harmful communication patterns such as criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

4. Trust & Commitment

Trust is a fundamental element in a good marriage. Couples who trust each other feel secure in their relationship and have confidence that their partner has their best interests at heart. Both partners are committed to the marriage and invest in maintaining the relationship over the long term.

5. Shared meaning & goals

Couples with a good marriage have a sense of shared purpose and meaning. They work together to build a life that aligns with their values, beliefs, and goals. This may involve shared interests, aspirations, and a vision for the future that they actively pursue as a team.

6. Turning Toward bids for connection 

Gottman highlights the importance of "turning towards" bids for connection from your partner. Bids for connection are small gestures, requests, or invitations to engage, connect, or communicate. Responding positively to these bids strengthens the connection between partners and fosters a sense of emotional closeness.

Working with a marriage counselor in Utah can improve the quality of your relationship

Working with a marriage counselor can transform your relationship. Marriage counselors are trained professionals who provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to explore their challenges, strengthen their communication, and deepen their emotional connection. They offer valuable insights, techniques, and strategies tailored to your specific needs, helping you navigate conflicts, improve problem-solving skills, and enhance intimacy. By addressing underlying issues and patterns that may be causing distress, marriage counseling can guide you toward healthier dynamics, increased understanding, and renewed commitment. Marriage therapists provide their perspective in order to help couples develop better communication and rebuild trust. 

How to begin marriage counseling in Utah

You can have a better relationship with your spouse. Marriage counseling can help you get there. This Utah Counseling Center has a couples therapist who specializes in helping couples develop healthy relationships. To begin therapy follow the steps below: 

  1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

  2. Meet with a couples therapist

  3. Start improving your relationship

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