How Do I Tell My Partner My Emotions?: Tips From an EFT Therapist in Utah
Being able to communicate and talk about how you feel is important for any healthy relationship. It’s especially important when it comes to the person you love the most. Your spouse or significant other is who you make a lot of commitments and spend a lot of time with, and having a healthy way of sharing your feelings matters a great deal. The way you talk about how you feel with your significant other should be done in an appropriate manner in order for it to be effective. Emotionally focused couples therapy helps couples recognize the importance of this and gives them skills to use.
Why is it hard for me to tell my partner how I feel?
Everyone’s experience is unique and may have different struggles and reasons for why it’s challenging to communicate their emotions. These are some common reasons that people find it hard to tell their partners how they feel.
1. Fear of vulnerability
It can be hard to share emotions when being vulnerable feels like weakness or that it’s not safe to do so. You might worry you’ll be judged by your partner or they won’t take it well.
2. Negative past experiences
When you’ve had negative experiences in the past when you’ve shared your emotions, it can be hard to try to do it again. It may have been used against you when you shared how you felt before or there was a negative reaction.
3. Difficult to know how
Some people grew up in families and households where they weren’t shown or encouraged to share emotions. You don’t know how to do it effectively or how to initiate the conversation.
4. Communication skills
It could be that you communicate yourself differently than your partner does. You might not know the communication skills to do it in a way that feels safe for both you and your partner to have a productive conversation.
3 Tips on How to Talk About Feelings from an EFT Therapist
When it comes to being able to have an effective conversation about how you feel, there are some tips to make it go more smoothly. These are some of the tools I talk to my clients about in order to practice talking about how they feel.
1. Identify your emotions
Make sure when you are sharing your emotions, you know how you are feeling. When you recognize what it is you are feeling, share the emotion with your partner. It’s difficult to have an effective conversation when you aren’t sure what it is that you’re feeling. You don’t want your partner to be in a position to try and guess what it is you feel.
2. Use “Softened Start-up”
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy emphasizes the importance of starting a conversation in a gentle and non-threatening way. Setting the right tone from the beginning can make a big difference when having a conversation about your feelings. Start the conversation with the positive intentions you have for the relationship and the purpose for talking about how you feel can help your partner engage with you.
3. Use “I statements”
I statements are statements that begin with “I feel” rather than “You do this…”. The I statement can lower defenses and shows that you are taking responsibility for your feelings and not accusing your significant other. The conversation will not go well if you blame or accuse your partner of something.
4. Validate
When your partner responds to your emotions, it’s important to validate their reaction and perspective. Learning to validate can make a big difference in how conversations go. Validation doesn’t mean you agree with what your partner is saying but it shows you are trying to understand how they feel. Showing empathy and understanding of how they feel can help them remain open and engaged.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in Utah can help with sharing your feelings
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an evidenced-based therapy that helps couples learn to communicate and work through their patterns of interacting negatively. Working with an EFT therapist can help you in your relationship by providing a safe and secure environment for learning to work through the past hurt. EFT therapy can also help you learn to create a better way of interacting going forward. If you have underlying relationship issues, EFT therapy can help you work through them with the help of a couples therapist. Emotional connection is important in relationships and EFT therapy can help you create it as a couple.
Begin EFT Couples Therapy in Utah
You can have the type of relationship where you feel safe talking about your feelings. You can feel connected and understood by your partner, and couples counseling can help. This Utah Counseling Practice has a couples therapist specializing in EFT couples therapy. To begin counseling follow the steps below:
Meet with an EFT therapist
Start working on your relationship
Online Couples Therapy in Utah
It’s not always easy to find a babysitter and travel to a couples therapy session. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. You can have effective couples counseling without having to leave your home or find childcare. Online Couples Therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy but much more accessible and convenient.
Online counseling also means I work with couples wherever they are located in Utah. I work with couples in St. George, Cedar City, Heber City, Logan, Salt Lake City, Provo, and more.
Other Mental Health Services Provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy
Couples counseling isn’t the only counseling service provided at this Utah Counseling Center. Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy include EMDR therapy, premarital counseling, LDS marriage counseling, PTSD treatment, therapy for men, ADHD treatment, and more. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to see how I can help.
About the Author
Marcus Hunt is a marriage and family therapist at Marcus Hunt Therapy near Provo, Utah. Marcus has a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. He also has a bachelor's degree in behavioral sciences from Utah Valley University. Marcus likes using EFT therapy to help couples learn to connect and have healthy relationships. He has extensive training in emotionally focused couples therapy and likes seeing couples be able to repair their relationships and learn to communicate effectively.