2 Communication Skills Every Couple Should Use: Advice From a Provo, Utah Couples Therapist
Having effective communication is critical for every healthy relationship. When couples come to see me for therapy most of the time they aren’t communicating well, and that only makes their underlying relationship issues worse. there There are many reasons why couples go to couples therapy but communication tends to be a common issue. A couple might realize they don’t communicate well but don’t know how to change or fix it. You may have grown familiar with this cycle of talking to each other and you don’t have the energy to do anything different. You don’t like the way you talk to your partner but you don’t feel like they communicate well with you either.
Why is communication important in a relationship?
As a couples therapist, there are things I wish all couples knew. One of them is how important communication is. There are so many reasons why having the right communication skills is essential for having a healthy relationship. Your ability to communicate with your partner builds connection, closeness, and intimacy. Having the right communication skills helps you understand your partner and for them to understand you. Healthy and happy relationships are based on having a safe place to feel your thoughts and feelings are understood and respected. Communication allows you to have your needs met and without it, it’s not possible for your partner to know what you need.
Conflict is a part of every relationship from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with conflict. It’s a result of having two different people with separate needs and opinions trying to work together. Having the right communication skills can help you resolve conflict. Proper communication skills also help you avoid conflict and misunderstanding. You can clarify with your partner what you mean and know how to say it effectively.
Communication helps couples have a closer relationship
Sharing experiences and feelings is the foundation of a close relationship. Learning how to communicate these allows both you and your partner to be able to share perspectives and be vulnerable with one another. Vulnerability and exchanging of emotions are what draw a couple closer together. If you don’t know how to communicate your experiences and feelings it might be a barrier to having the type of relationship you want.
Communication skills from a couples therapist to try to improve your relationship
There are so many communication skills that would make a world of difference in your relationship with your partner but trying to share all of those with you at once would be overwhelming. I want to share two of them for you to start practicing now.
1. Active Listening
Listening to your spouse is such an important relationship skill. Active listening is a communication technique where you are focusing solely on trying to understand and be present with what your partner is sharing. You aren’t focusing on your own thoughts and opinions. You aren’t trying to formulate a response or a rebuttal. Active listening is where you are just trying to understand your partner’s perspective. You aren’t just hearing what your partner is saying but you are showing that you are being present also with their body language and the emotions they are feeling.
To be a good active listener, eliminate any distractions that might make it seem like you aren’t listening. Put your phone away, don’t try to multitask but make eye contact with your partner. Use nonverbal cues like head nodding to show you're present and listening. When they don’t speak provide feedback and summarize what you heard them say. Ask clarifying questions and give them an opportunity to clarify or correct what you have understood them to mean in your summary. Don’t interrupt them when they are talking but wait until they are finished to ask questions.
2. I Statements
An I statement is where you are focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and needs and sharing them without blaming your partner. When you use I statements you are avoiding accusations or attacks on your partner. I statements can start with “I feel…” or “I need…” rather than “You do this…..”. Using this type of language naturally will lower the defensiveness of your partner. It reduces conflict and can help your partner see your perspective from a more empathetic and understanding place. I statements can help your partner feel less threatened and have more openness with you. This form of communication also builds greater trust.
Couples Therapy Can Help with Communication Struggles
Let’s face it most of us weren’t taught to communicate effectively because our parents just did the best they could. You probably naturally don’t know how to communicate in the most effective way. Some of us think we are better communicators than we are and our loved ones are giving us the side eye wishing desperately we would work on it. Couples therapy provides an environment where you can learn proper communication skills and how using them might improve the relationship. Working with a couples therapist also provides the environment to practice being vulnerable and communicating with your partner. You don’t have to try and figure this all out on your own. There is no shame in going to couples therapy especially when most couples could benefit from it.
Begin Couples Therapy Near Provo, Utah
You can learn to talk to your partner without shutting down or leaving feeling hurt and misunderstood. You can feel connected and have trust in your relationship. Couples therapy can help. This Utah Counseling Practice has a couples therapist that specializes in couples therapy. To begin counseling follow the steps below:
Meet with a marriage and family therapist
Start working on your relationship
Online Couples Therapy in Utah
Online Couples Therapy sessions have the same benefits as in-person therapy but can provide more convenience and flexibility for your schedule. I provide online therapy in Utah to provide you with greater accessibility to working with a couples therapist from the comfort of your own home. Working with an online couples therapist can help you develop the skills and tools necessary to communicate better with your partner.
Online counseling means I work with clients all over the state of Utah. I work with clients in Logan, Salt Lake City, St. George, Cedar City, Provo, Heber City, and more.
Other Mental Health Services Provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy
Couples therapy isn’t the only counseling service provided by this Utah Counseling Center. Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy include EMDR therapy, therapy for men, PTSD treatment, ADHD treatment, counseling for anxiety, depression therapy, premarital counseling, and LDS marriage counseling. Reach out to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.
About the Author
Marcus Hunt is a marriage and family therapist at Marcus Hunt Therapy in Utah. Marcus has a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. He also holds a bachelor's degree in behavioral sciences from Utah Valley University. Marcus loves working with couples to help them build healthier and happier relationships. He knows that having the right communication skills can make a world of difference in having trust and safety with your partner. Marcus is native to Salem, Utah, and enjoys spending time riding his bike through the Spanish Fork River Walk Trail