4 Tips To Find Solutions To The Problems In Your Marriage From a Couples Therapist
Every relationship experiences problems. I hope that this is obvious information to you but for some people, it’s not. Some couples become alarmed when they face a disagreement or argument and worry it means they are destined for divorce. Maybe it’s because they didn’t see their parents have disagreements or arguments that they worked through but I want you to rest assured that disagreements are a normal part of a healthy relationship.
There are times that every relationship runs into some snags that keep them stuck. They don’t know how to get out of it and find the solutions they want in order to have their relationship continue to thrive. As a couples therapist, I would love to give you 4 tips on how to problem solve and find solutions to your struggles.
Focus on the things you are doing well
When things feel off in the relationship or you are struggling to see eye to eye, it may seem like EVERYTHING is not going well. No matter how bad things are, you are doing something right in your marriage or relationship. Really dig deep at what those are. It really can be anything that you feel is a strength of your relationship. Do you have a good routine with the kids? Can you rely on each other to complete assigned tasks? Do you tell each other you love each other? Do you show affection? These are just small examples but there are plenty more. Work together to find out what you do well as a couple. Remember “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.” Your entire relationship is not broken even if in moments it feels like it is.
Do more of what works
Once you find out what your strengths are as a couple and the things you are doing well then do more of them. Do more of the things that are already working! It might seem obvious but this can be a game-changer for couples. As a therapist, I’m not here to judge the type of solutions that are working for you. If they are working, I want you to continue to utilize them. This is also an opportunity to look at times in your relationship when things were going well, what were you doing? What have you let go of doing that you could implement again?
If it’s not working, try something different
Again does this seem fairly obvious? As humans, it’s not that obvious. I’m sure you’ve heard of the quote, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” by Albert Einstein. Couples get caught up in doing the same patterns of behaviors over and over again in hopes that maybe it will finally start to work. Is having an important conversation before bed yielding feeling understood and validated by your partner? No? Maybe there’s a better time to have this conversation. Is nagging your partner to do a task working? Maybe short term but it might also be leading to feelings of resentment. Consider trying something different. Maybe getting different results just means tweaking your approach to try something different.
Small steps can lead to big changes
Couples sometimes believe that they need a huge intervention and an overhaul of their marriage to get back on track. That’s not necessarily true. I can’t speak to every situation without knowing it, but small tweaks in your relationship can lead to better outcomes than ever imagined. Focus on changing things that are small. Maybe you need to change your tone to be a little softer when communicating with your partner. Maybe putting down your phone and making eye contact when they speak to you will help them feel more connected to you. Maybe owning your mistakes and apologizing can make a difference. Many small things will make a difference in your relationship if you try them.
I hope you’ll try these tips and notice how it makes a difference in your relationship. You are not beyond hope or help. You can have a better relationship with your partner or spouse.
Need more marriage help and want to try working with a couples therapist in Utah?
You don’t have to keep feeling like you are spinning your wheels in your marriage with the same things repeating themselves. Marriage counseling can help you be able to communicate more effectively and feel happy together. My Utah County Counseling Clinic has a couples therapist who works with couples and marriage counseling. To begin marriage counseling, follow these steps:
Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with Marcus Hunt
Complete online forms and schedule the first session with a marriage therapist
Begin marriage counseling
Online therapy in Utah
I understand how hard it is to add another appointment to your list of things to do. I also know how valuable your time is and how much therapy makes a difference. This is why I offer online therapy in Utah. Online therapy allows me to work with you wherever you are in Utah. It’s safe, effective, and far more convenient than driving in traffic.
I work with people from all over the state, including Logan, Salt Lake City, Cedar City, Heber, and St. George, Utah.
Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt
Marriage Counseling isn’t the only mental health service provided at this near Provo Utah Counseling Center. Other mental health services Marcus Hunt Therapy provides include LDS marriage counseling, premarital counseling, anxiety therapy, EMDR therapy, PTSD treatment, and therapy for men in Utah.
About the Author
Marcus Hunt is an associate marriage and family therapist at Marcus Hunt Therapy in Utah County. Marcus loves using a solution-focused brief therapy approach to couples who are trying to work towards solutions in their marriage. Marcus received his bachelor’s degree from Utah Valley University in Orem, Utah, in behavioral sciences and received his master’s in marriage and family therapy. He loves helping couples find their spark again in their marriages and believes an important aspect of this is for each partner to be willing to work on themselves.